hey, i havent updated in awhile. i didnt forget or anything, i was just kinda wallowing in myself and didnt feel like it, you know? ive been feeling so much better recently. im not sure why, but ive been texting people so much more! no promises on how active im gonna be but ill try? anyways, heres whats new. (some news is very bad :< )
what has happened whilst im gone ( stuff i wont rkly go on abt or like foreshadowing? theres 100 percenr a word for it
okay, now to delve into the drama. topic one, me and frankie (if he sees this i will hang myself). but its okay, and odd. why? (why am i writing this like a book be fr) because i still like him, and its stupid as fuck, because i didnt think i liked him?? but fucking hell, i read what he said about me and i cant stop thinking about how BAD i fumbled him?? i dont know exactly why he broke up with me, and i know he doesnt like me anymore, but i like him. which is something i dont do. ive never liked anyone or had a crush on them? maybe its my yearning for teen romance, or because he is SO NICE AAHJAJHABJJA but i miss him. With my other ex (thou shalt not be named, not cuz i hate em, atually theyre like a sibling to me) i recovered so fast. this may be because i broke up with them, and frank broke up with me, but still! me and ex #1 are legit best friends now and i cant imagine dating them again, but idk. is this what a crush is? i hope not. it is unenjoyable. especially since i know he only views me as a friend now
he did say he broke up with me since i was too mean (i will state that he said this A MONTH LATER) but that kinda made me feel like shit (deserved because i was kinda mean) not to victimise myself because looking back there are times where i was a CUNT, but i thought we were joking :'(. i stand by me being in the wrong though.
and i cant stop thinking about how different i could have made things?? i cant not think about how bad i fumbled him, he was so nice. but i wouldnt want him to be stuck in a relationship without love. im glad he was homest with me
JESUS I HAVENT EVEN GOT TO THE WORST PART
sooooo i messaged him saying i still like him (i am a fucking stupid motherfucker im so silly) and he hasnt replied. im pretty sure he saw it. i asked my friends what i should do. as something you dont know about me, is that i am INCREDIBLY paranoid, and im worried i messed it up so bad we cant even be friends!! (yay!)
anyways. im gonna shut the fuck up about frank now. i feel creepy for even talking about it.
i dyed my hair blueee!! my mum started calling me smurfette though, because i managed to fucking dye my face and neck and hands and cleavage (strange ass word) and she took my phone off me for longer as i dyed the walls blue :( and cuz i drew on the door (but it came off cuz it was in whiteboard oen on white doors >:( )
i watched the shining,and all the final destination movies. it was very scary, because i didnt go to school for almost a week n didnt go outside (SCARY AS FUCK) abd when i had to go outside i was shitting myself, honestly im still scared to go out. (guys will watch horror movies and be shocked when its scary)
anyways, i think thats enough waffling im incredibly tired now